Friendship takes more time than you think
Adult friendships rarely happen in one evening. A study by Jeffrey Hall at the University of Kansas estimated that it takes roughly 50 hours together to go from acquaintance to casual friend, around 90 hours to become friends, and more than 200 hours to become close friends (University of Kansas, 2018).
Those are averages from one piece of research, not rules, but the point is useful. If you have only met someone a few times, it is not that the friendship failed. It simply has not had the hours yet. Patience is part of the process.
Why it feels harder abroad
At home, many friendships came almost automatically: school, university, the neighbourhood, friends of friends. Abroad, those structures are missing. People around you may already have full social lives and families nearby, so they are not looking for new friends in the way you are.
Add a second language, unfamiliar social rules and perhaps long working hours, and it is no wonder it takes a while. Knowing that helps. It is not personal, and it is not a sign that people here do not like you. Our guide to dating after moving abroad talks more about the loneliness of the first months.
Be the one who invites
The most reliable habit is simple: invite people, and keep inviting them. Newcomers often wait to be asked, while people who are settled assume newcomers are busy. Someone has to break that loop, and it is usually easier if it is you.
Keep invitations specific and low-pressure: a walk, a coffee, a market, a film, a game night. Small plans are easier to say yes to than big ones. If someone says no, ask again another time with a different idea. Two or three refusals with no counter-suggestion is the time to let it go, not one.
Turn one-off meetings into routines
Because friendships are built on hours together, routines do a lot of the work. A weekly class, a regular five-a-side game, a Sunday running group or a monthly dinner means you see the same people without anyone having to organise anything.
You can create routines too. Saying “shall we make this a regular thing?” after a good evening is a simple way to start one. Our guide to meeting people after moving abroad lists places that tend to have this kind of regular contact built in.
Learn the local rules of friendship
Friendship works differently in different places. In some cultures people invite new acquaintances home quickly; in others it can take months before you see someone’s home. In some places friends message every day; in others weeks of silence are normal and say nothing about the friendship.
Watch, ask, and do not judge too fast. A colleague who seems distant may be following rules you have not learned yet. Asking a local friend or another newcomer how things usually work can save a lot of misunderstanding.
The expat bubble, and stepping out of it
Other expats and newcomers are often the easiest people to befriend: they are looking for friends too, and they understand what you are going through. Those friendships can be some of the strongest you will ever have.
They also come with a risk: people move on, and expat circles can change quickly. It helps to have friends who are rooted where you live as well, people who will still be there in five years and can show you the place from the inside. A mix gives you the best of both.
Do not let old friendships fade
New friendships take time, and in the meantime the people who already know you matter a lot. Keep in touch with friends at home, even briefly. A voice note or a short call reminds you that you are known somewhere, which makes the slow work of building a new circle much easier.
Friendships at a distance change, and that is normal. The ones that last usually survive on small, regular contact rather than long, rare catch-ups.
Small habits that add up
- Remember details people tell you and ask about them next time.
- Say yes to invitations, even when you are tired, at least in the first months.
- Host something small: tea, a dish from home, a film night.
- Introduce people to each other; becoming a connector makes you part of a circle.
- Follow up after a good conversation within a few days.
- Be patient with yourself on the weeks when nothing seems to happen.
Where ImmigrantsDating fits
ImmigrantsDating is a dating app, built for people who have moved and anyone dating across cultures. If you are looking for friends rather than a partner, the habits above will do more for you than we can, and we would rather say so honestly.
If you are also ready to date, a person checks every profile before anyone sees it, and you are matched first on what you share, such as languages and where you are from. When you are ready, create a profile or get notified at launch.
Questions people ask
How long does it take to make friends after moving abroad?
Usually longer than people expect. Research from the University of Kansas suggests many hours together are needed to become friends, so regular activities and repeated invitations help most.
Should I only make friends with other expats?
Other expats are often the easiest to befriend because they understand your situation. Friends who are rooted where you live add stability, since expat circles change as people move on. A mix works well.